Day 30: A letter to yourself.

I have waited to do this because I wasn't sure what I had to say to myself.  I spend way too much time in my head, so what could I say that I don't already......


Dear, Ashe,


         Always try and remember the good stuff over the bad. I know it is hard but don't change who you are.  no matter how bad it hurts sometimes, helping others feel better out weighs most things.  Fallow you feeling, it has always helped you before.  Keep the people you love and care for close.  Remember the dark place you have been to and keep the darkness inside you at bay.  Never forget anything, this is why you made mistakes before.
Try not to let people get to you, there nothing you can change about them.

~Ashlynne Szverra~ 

Day 29: Something you hope to change about yourself. And why.

I have changed a lot over the past 23 years. There is a lot we can do in this world, so who knows if I will change.  I don't know if I want to...,lol  I change as times change, not sure if that's a good thing or not xD

Day 28: What if you were pregnant or got someone pregnant, what would you do?

I would have a freak out moment, lol. But I really don't have to worry about that............

Day 27: What’s the best thing going for you right now?

My friendship with Jeni, I wouldn't trade it for the world.  Things are pretty good for me right now, there is nothing I can complain about. ^_^

Day 26: Have you ever thought about giving up on life? If so, when and why?

Yes, I have a few times.... When I was younger the thought of giving up was a big thing on my mind.  I have always pushed myself to see how far I could really go and learned  a lot from it.  I ran a razor blade over my arm at the highlight of my downward spiral starting from when I was nine years old.  I couldn't do it.  I don't have a self destruct jean in me I guess.  I asked my mom how many Advil I would have to take to OD. This was after the razor blade. She thought i was going to kill myself and I was put on watch and put in Archway a youth correction place.  I never said anything about the razor blade, I just said I wasn't going to kill myself, just wondering.  I couldn't say anything about the razor.....

Death is the easy, Life is what's hard...........

Day 25: The reason you believe you’re still alive today.

My Mommy, and even if i'm afraid I move forward.  Only looking back to remember.  I think things through, then acting when most beneficial. 

Day 24: Make a playlist to someone, and explain why you chose all the songs.

1.  Drunken Butterfly, By Sonic Youth  I'm Jenis drunken butterfly. Well at least I was.  lol

2.  Disturbia, By Rihanna  This is the only song I really remember from my 10 day drinking spree.  Kinda weird but really describes the drinking.

3.  Circus, By Britney Spears  "All eyes on me, in the center of the ring, just like a circus"

4.  Raise Your Glass, P!NK  This song always makes me smile, be yourself and pary!

5.  One Step at a Time, Jordan Sparks  I Just really like this song. ^_^

6.  Coin Operated Boy, By The Dresden Dolls  Just a fun song, lol

7.  All for You, Janet Jackson This song made my step-dad crazy

8.  The Spice Girls, Wannabe An other song to make him crazy, your 9 year old singing "If you wannabe my lover, you gotta get with my friends.........." haahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

There are a few more but I can't remember what they are, lol  So this playlist is about me. <3

Day 23: Something you wish you had done in your life.

I'm still a live and kicking so, nothing yet. I have time unless I die soon then i don't know lol.  Still need to travel, seeing the world ^_^

Day 22: Something you wish you hadn’t done in your life.

There is nothing I wish I hadn't done in my life.  If/when I do anything, I think it through and learn from what doesn't work out.  Changing things would change who I am and who I have met.  In my mind that is not worth it.

Day 21: Your best friend is in a car accident and you two got into a fight an hour before. What do you do?

Go to see her! I would hope we had thing worked out before not letting the cook for an hour.  But even if we didn't I would still go and see her.  I don't know if I could live with myself knowing anything happen and I couldn't try to make it right.

Day 20: Your views on drugs and alcohol.

Drugs- Many things are called "Drugs", keep the green and do away with all this fake stuff. lol Be responsible, it doesn't take much. 

Alcohol- I would have to say the same, be responsible. 

Finding the right words for this........... not working lol

Pot heads are too lazy to commit a crime, well most. +_+

Never be afraid to ask for help if you have a problem with either.  The people who are around you and love you will always be there.  Even if you hate them for helping, later you won't as much lol

Day 19: What do you think of religion?

There might be something out there.......... I believe in faith.  When it comes down to it every religion is faith.  Having something to believe in when time are good or bad, that something that gets you through the day.  I have prayed a lot in my life and had to just have faith in myself.

Day 18: Your views on gay marriage.

Who are we to say, who someone can and can not fall in love with and someday marry?  There is too much shit these days for a paper that says you are married.  Let get married and do what they  want to to be happy.

Day 17: A book you’ve read that changed your views on something.

I don't know that I have read a book that has changed my views on something.  I have read a lot of books that I like but most books are fictional so...., yeah. lol, Speak has to be my favorite book though.

Day 16: Someone or something you definitely could live without.

I could live with out the snow.  It's very pretty but I don't do well in the cold.  As for someone, there are a lot of people I could do without.   But then I would be bored, lol  We learn from the people and things around us, so without them we would be just like the stupid people we could do without...

Day 15: Something or someone you couldn’t live without.

I couldn't live without my make-up, clothes, hair stuff, anything beauty wise lol.  I couldn't live without my mom and Jeni.  I would be very sad if I didn't have these two.  My mom will always have a dear place in my heart I miss being able to see her whenever I want to. Jeni is a sister to me, she has been my family and her family has been my family.  I have gotten to know them well and love them dearly. 

Day 14: A hero that has let you down.

Damn that Super Man!!!  lol, just kidding .....

My hero has not let me down.  I have a few heroes, one of them is my mommy.  She she went through hell with me.  Finding the courage to leave and not back down.  She took my little sister and I to a shelter.   We spent Thanksgiving in the shelter. My grandma drove from Ogden, UT to New Mexico to get us that week because our van had broken down.  The only money we had was, I think $50 that the one of the police officers had given us, But  she didn't turn back, she went on till she knew we were safe.

Day 13: A band or artist that has gotten you through some tough days.

P!nk  She has some good music if you listen to it.  Sending out a good message not look how slutty I can get.  Over all a real person.  Bad day, guy trouble, self image, hate/love, is only a few things she singes about, so yeah great at helping in good or bad times.

Day 12: Something you never get compliments on.

um, I really can't think of anything.  Day 11 summed it up lol  Maybe I'm just drawing a blank.......

Day 11: Something people seem to compliment you the most on.

That I'm beautiful.

I'm a vain person, lol  I just like pretty things.  Don't you? xP  lol  Well anyways..... this is kinda hard lol  not sure how to justify myself without sounding like a total Bitch, haha  So... we can leave it at that for now.  most of you know how I am about that. haha have to be ready: Dressed, hair done, make-up on.  lol I do get lazy though.  It might be getting tired too but oh well HAHAHA! ^,..,^